How to Network With People

If you read and apply these principles you’ll have an easier time building personal and professional connections and getting what you want.

This past week I got two cold DMs from Muslims. The first said and I paraphrase, “Salam, we need to talk!” The second said, “Salam, need to talk to u!” Ignoring my instincts and past experience, I replied to the first out of curiosity. My instincts were right; he was a time-waster. I deleted the second without replying because I wasn’t about to make the same mistake twice in one week.

Compare this to the cold DM I sent Mahdi (see below.) Everything in this message is common sense. But common sense is no longer common. So I will explain what is going on line by line and give you some insights on human psychology. This is the correct way to network with people. And you can apply it to business or personal relationships.

The First Bubble

People who message you think just because you’re a Muslim and they greet you with Salam, they’re entitled to a reply. And while it is obligatory to respond to the greeting, being inconsiderate with someone you do not know will make much more likely that you are ignored.

Before you message someone online, think: “Would I say this if we were meeting in-person?” “Salam, we need to talk!” does not get a positive response either in-person or online.

Here, I introduce myself properly even though Mahdi can and will click through to my profile to see who I am. I write out the Salam in full. Not “Salam” or “Salaamz” or “Salaam bro.”

I then show him that my contacting him is relevant, and that I am not a time-waster, by mentioning that I am in a similar line of work. I also demonstrate credibility and authority, because he can click through to the websites I mentioned to see I am who I say I am.

Bubbles Two Through Six

I didn’t hide my intent or beat around the bush. I state clearly why I am contacting him. And what’s in it for him. This is the most important part of the message. You have to answer the question, “What’s in it for me?” You have less than three seconds to do it. Otherwise, you will be ignored.

I’m not asking something for nothing. I’m offering something valuable to him – a new revenue stream – and in exchange, I get what I want, which is to promote my new book and lifestyle brand.

I also demonstrate this offer is relevant to him and his audience. And that the product is credible even though he has no experience with it. No one wants to ruin their reputation promoting crap or a scam.

Finally, I offer to take on some of the effort involved in this ask. Even if he was interested in promoting this product, there is still work involved. He’s busy and I know that. And an affiliate promotion is no small task. I make it easy for him to say yes because all he has to do is have me on as a guest. Now, all he has to do is show up and do what he’s going to do anyway, which is stream on YouTube.

The Last Bubble

I demonstrate social proof. He knows Abuamerican and so it’s easy for him to not only trust me but verify my claims. People do business with people they know, like, and trust. I took care of the know. He can do his due diligence for trust. Like is nice to have but not essential.

Results

I didn’t get a reply. It’s likely that he saw the DM and ignored it (everyone reads their DM requests on IG.) But that’s okay because:

1. I had no expectation of a reply and didn’t go into it feeling entitled.

2. I got his attention another way (see below)

Side note: If you message a bint and she doesn’t reply, move on. Her phone is permanently attached to her arm. She saw your DM. She checked your profile. She’s not interested.

The Follow-Up

No reply to the cold DM? No problem. All you have to do is follow-up. Now, I could’ve followed up my initial DM with another. But that would be just as easy to ignore.

Getting noticed is everything. If you don’t get noticed, your chances of getting what you want are ZERO. I knew No Strings Nikah had launched. And I was going to check it out anyway, so I signed up and immediately paid for a subscription.

My first post here was, “I paid for a subscription to support a fellow content creator and entrepreneur.” I demonstrated that I’m willing to invest in the relationship without any expectation of reciprocity. And I also set myself apart from the other users as a “fellow…” that is, his peer.

He may or may not have noticed my first post but that is irrelevant because of what I did next. Many of you here are trying to AMOG (Alpha Male Other Guy) with your posts. But it’s not effective because one, you’re nobody (in this context) and two, you aren’t interesting (generic Islamic reminder #3,475,121,779 won’t get anyone’s attention and your regurgitated self-help advice is neither new nor helpful.)

But what if, instead of swinging your dick, you tried to be helpful? What if you tried to serve the community? That’s what I did with my next post, which was a comment under one of Mahdi’s videos.

I knew, even though he made the video, a lot of members won’t watch it. And one can read a lot faster than watch. So I summarized the points made in the video in a comment. This made it much easier for people to consume the material (which was Mahdi’s intent.) I was helpful. And instead of trying to “Outshine the Master” (which is what many of you are doing) I made him look better to the community.

And it got Mahdi’s attention. He replied to my comment. And then, the same day or a day later, he messaged me on Instagram. We had a 45-minute chat on Zoom. And figured out a way for both of us to get what we want. That’s what led to this post.

Summary:

• Be a professional in all your actions and interactions.

• Don’t say or do online what you wouldn’t say or do IRL.

• Everything in life is a value exchange.

• You have less than three seconds to answer the question, “What’s in it for me?”

• When you reach out to network with someone you don’t know, don’t expect a response.

• When you ask someone for something, make it easy for them to say yes.

• If you don’t get a response the first time, follow-up, but be smart about it.

• To persuade, you must first be noticed.

• Helping someone with no expectation of reward is the easiest way to get rewarded.